Miss Manners: Great-aunts friends ask for gifts back after her death -

Dear Miss Manners: My great-aunt passed away earlier this year. I am the executor of her estate.

I have started to receive communications from people who knew her and who had given her Christmas and birthday gifts over the years, asking to have these things returned to them.

I’m at a bit of a loss here. I’ve never heard of such a thing! When I give a gift to someone, it’s theirs to do with as they wish. I have no further claim to it.

I have had to explain that the estate has gone through probate, all bequests have been honored and their names were not included in the will. Some become very insistent that I contact whoever has the item in question and ask them to “return” it. I decline.

I think this is incredibly tacky. Am I wrong? Is there a better way to handle this?

What a lovely way to express condolences: “Sorry you’re dead. Now gimme back my stuff.”

Of course you are in the right. And because this is a legal matter of possession, Miss Manners finds it perfectly within your rights to say so. Or to pass the unpleasant task off to the estate attorney.

Dear Miss Manners: A friend of mine from school loves to post pictures of her 15-year-old daughter doing cheerleading poses. I get it, she’s very proud of her daughter. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But I’ve noticed she likes to post pictures of her teenage daughter doing jumps in the air with her legs wide open, practically over her head — zoomed in, front and center. These aren’t faraway shots from the bleachers, but extremely up close.

The problem is, you can clearly see her daughter’s crotch up close and personal in each of these pictures. And she’s always wearing her cheerleading outfit.

I’m not a prude at all, but I find this to be very inappropriate. Why does she think this is okay? She has over 500 friends on social media, both male and female, and her account is public. Should I just ignore this, or should I bring it to her attention?

How about bringing it to the attention of the daughter? Or at least emphasizing that your friend should be asking for her consent to post these pictures? “Is your daughter really all right with you getting so many … ahem … close-up shots of her?”

Miss Manners realizes that this may well spark friction in the family — or worse, it may not — but at least all parties will have been warned of what exactly is on display. And if the social media platform takes them down for lewdness, they will know why.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.

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